It is sometimes hard to receive a Gift...

Do you remember that moment you surrender to God saying I just cant take it any more... I just cant carry on... its too much... life... pain... reality... what ever your burden was at the time was NO! Me neither I just sat there crying in self destruction wishing that my pain would just magically go away. I had forgotten I wasn't in this alone because I had felt alone and forgotten. I have these moments more than I would like to admit... more than I want. I feel overwhelmed, anxious, alone... I am human and I have a very human response to anxiety and stress... I cry, I scream, I forget that I have someone on my side, that I am not alone that God is on my side. 

If you were picking sides for a team what are some of the things you would look for...

                                        Supportive 

Cooperation

                                              Teamwork

Forgiveness (maybe not from all teammates but from the Quarter Back (for you sports peeps)

                    Like minded

these are all human words, words that make you feel better.

Now think what God has promised you... 

Sometimes remembering what God has to offer us or promised us is not easy, it takes time and it takes practice...WHAT! Why do I need to practice receiving these gift? 

Look at the list... 

   How many of the promises do you think come easy?

LOVE???

 You might think that this one is easy, right? I love my kids... my spouse.. my parents?

How about yourself? do you love yourself, unconditionally, Not just when you are having a good hair day or a good outfit day. Or when you have won at parenthood (Which by the way I have only done once, I have two teens now so the fact that they are alive is a win but other than that, Well.)

Joy and Peace?

 (the first paragraph of this blog says it all there for me)

And if these are easy for you, truly easy please share with the rest of us!

Patience?

I have been working on this since the day I found out I was going to be a mom... My mom may have said my whole life but we are not going to count pre-children because I choose to believe (and I am sure if you are a parent) you all have one child that test this on a daily sometimes by the minute basis.

Okay so I think you are seeing a pattern... these gifts need to be renewed over and over, and the fact that you may think that you can do these things on your own, first tells me once again 

YOU ARE HUMAN, 

second tells me that you either don't believe that these are promised or do think you have to practice receiving. You have heard the term Practice makes perfect? 

Well in this case it does not, don't worry the goodness is you don't have to be perfect! 

And its ok if you are Human, guess what so is everyone around you!

That is why we have been given these gifts, of faith and we get a chance to practice them over and over. Not to perfect them but to reflect them. 

The hardest thing to do is receive a gift sometimes... 

Know this, you are not alone, you are not perfect but worth it and GOD loves you!

Now if I can remember this on a moment to moment basis I will be Okay. 

It is amazing WHAT can happen it a 
few short years... 

It has been just that since I posted

When I started this blog I was a single parent of two kids, one with some every day hardships mainly because she was a girl and had me for a mom who lets face, as a teen I KNEW everything! And the other and, well lets just say his hard-ships are not everyday and not common place, and not always even hardships in my book. they are differences, he is a force. I love both of them greatly and would not change what we have been through with maybe a few exceptions like less broken/chewed on things, mainly mine but mostly the last four  years have been pretty great and I want to keep a more up to date record because of the last four years.

This Blog is mainly about our lives and what is up with them... they have changed and I will eventually update what has happened in our lives, there has been some minor changes and some significant changes BUT today's post is a 
                                 

 Thank you letter.

A public Thank you to a my Cousin, Friend, and Mentor Thomas Allen:
He has Cancer and is leaving this earth sooner than later and for that I am sad, but he will be on the right hand side of Jesus soon, pain free and unencumbered of his illness. And for that I am Thankful.

Because he is my cousin he has been there, in my life most of my life, showing me the ropes... He is a a few years older so he was always like my big brother. Especially when we hit middle school and high school, we had a lot of the same friends, which kept me from getting into more trouble than I already did. :) And his best girl has been one of my best friends Gina Bronson then and Gina Allen for 25 years now she was the one who kidnapped me and took me to my surprise 16th birthday party. 

      
I love them both and can not imagine life with out Thom and Gina together. The last few years as he has he has gotten sicker and I have struggled with my own sickness we have not been able to spend time together it has been really hard because they are more like friends then family and I felt like we both were walking very different walks but at the same time time had similar turns and thought it would be so much easier if we could go through this together, but that is probably me just being selfish.  Plus at the same time I have watched him be so open about his illness and I have not wanted to tell anyone much about what was going on with me because mine was not as bad so I was okay, 

I want to say that I love Thomas and Gina and to all of their kids.

this is a few years ago... 

this is the last one that I was in...


I don't know that I have said it all but I know that I have said enough for now... I love my family, I love Thomas and will miss him and thank him, and thank GOD for him!